Kingdom Hearts: Again and Again
by Evil King of Fanfics
Summary: just another humorous retelling of KH. chap.9 up! I am not become a relic!
1. they all gonna die

Kingdom hearts: Again and again  
Chapter 1. They all gonna die  
"I've been having these weird thoughts lately." "Like me and Kairi, and a  
  
Jacuzzi." "When I asked Dad about it, he just said it was "all natural." (I haven't told him  
  
about the part with Tidus, though.) "But aside from that, I also have a weird dream where  
  
I'm falling through all this water. Then I surface and I see my best friend Riku." "And  
  
I'm all like "dude!" and he's all "dude!" and I'm like "Dude! There's a giant wave!" and  
  
he's all zonked out man!" "So then I'm drowning again till I see my OTHER best friend  
  
Kairi. At that point I lose consciousness. Till I land on this platform with some chick on it.  
SELF-NARRATION OVER  
  
"Hey dude." "Dude!" "Wake up!" "What do you want!" yelled Sora, angry as his self-  
  
narration was over and the author was free to say horrible things about him. (And he  
  
will.Maybe.) " I need you to walk over to the edge of the platform. "Why?" "Because I  
  
am a mystical, disembodied voice, Damnit!" "You aren't very mystical." "Oh, right, hold  
  
on a second." "So little time, so much to do, do not be afraid, choose wisely, use the  
  
force, if you build it, they will come, happy now!?" "Yes" replied Sora, complying to  
  
move forward. Suddenly, a sword, a shield, and a staff appeared. Take one, throw one  
  
away. Sora grabbed the shield and threw out the staff. "Hey! You didn't let me say what  
  
they are yet!" "Yes, but only because I hate you." Sora delicately explained. "Okay,  
  
buddy, that's IT!" Suddenly, shadows swarm Sora and the shield appears in his hand.  
  
"You expect me to fight with a freakin' SHIELD!" well maybe if you knew what it DID,  
  
you would have better luck!" but kill Sora did. And lo and behold, the voice was pissed.  
  
" I find myself back on my island aft- "HEY!! I SAID the self-narration is OVER,  
  
Damnit!" ahem. Anyways, Sora is back on the Island, along with his friends. "Hi, Sora."  
  
"We've known you all our lives, but we're going to ask you stupid questions anyway!"  
  
"What are you scared of?" Asked Cameo #1. "Disembodied voices." Said our hero  
  
immediately. (You could hear a disembodied whisper of "Jerk") and so on and so on.  
  
But you don't care about that. You just wanna get to the SEX don't you? You sicken me!  
  
Get outta here! And never darken my fic with your filthy thoughts again! And now back  
  
to our fic, already In progress. "Hoo boy! That sure was some funny moments! And it'll  
  
never happen again!" "Not to mention all the sex!" (so there you perverts!) back on the  
  
platform, Sora was making his way up to the Boss. " Boss?" asked Sora. "Yeah, it's a  
  
huge monster that envelopes you in inky black death." "Oh. Okay" And he went on his  
  
merry way.  
1 minute later  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "I'm gonna die I'm gonna die "I'm gonna  
  
die!!!!!" screamed our brave and chivalrous hero like a little girl. The huge monster  
  
known as Darkside, plunged his fist into the ground, and in one powerful swoop, Sora...  
  
thwacked it. He done thwacked it good Pa. But of course, like I said, he got enveloped,  
  
and fortuanetly he drowned completely before he could let out a VERY bad word  
  
directed at me. 


	2. No, seriously, they're really gonna die

Kingdom Hearts: Again and Again  
  
Chapter 2: No, Seriously, They're gonna die  
  
"What, ba, ungh, NO Grandma! I'm too old for the tiny pants!" Yelled our hero,  
  
realizing that he was on a beach. Next to him was his friend Kairi. Sora,we need  
  
to talk about your problem. "What problem?" "Your crack addiction, Sora."  
  
"Please Kairi, I'm not on crack." Sora tried to explain. Kairi shoved a newspaper  
  
in his face, with a large ad that read " Sora's 450,000$ crack party (come one  
  
come all!) "What, did you not get your invite?" Er- I mean, it was my evil twin. And a wizard did it.  
  
"Well okay. Besides, we need to get to the next joke." Sora stood up, and  
  
surveyed his islands. " The Destiny Islands, a beautiful paradise full of whiny  
  
little bastards who can't seem to stop complaining about having to live in a  
  
beautiful island paradise. "Boo hoo!" They'll say. "It's so horrible living on our  
  
lush tropical island!" " wa-wa!" Any hoo, next up came Sora's friend Riku,  
  
carrying a log in one arm like it was no big thang. He threw the log on Sora,  
  
nearly killing him (it wouldn't be the last time) "how'd the intervention go?" he  
  
asked. "It was a wizard." Kairi and Sora repeated in unison. "o-o-kay" said Riku,  
  
creeped out. Besides, we need to get to work on the raft. "What raft?" asked Sora,  
  
confused. " the raft we've been working for months, ya'tard." "Okay Sora, it will  
  
be your job to get a cloth, rope, and 2 logs." "Wait a minute, that's at least a third  
  
of the work on this thing. How could we have been doing this for months? Well,  
  
most of it was me convincing you guys to do all the work, then me whisper  
  
whisper whisper " Oh, you mean when we agreed to do all the work if you gave  
  
us lots of ORAL SEX!? Sora said so loudly he could be heard in other  
  
worlds....  
SUCH AS THIS ONE!!!!!!  
  
Royal duke and magician Donald Duck woke up in a particularly good mood  
  
today, as he had awoken to thoughts of oral sex, which is good enough for any  
  
guy. So it was in this mood he went to see the king. And it was in this mood, he  
  
was royally screwed. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He  
  
screamed, looking for the one man (unfortunately) who could help him. Goofy!  
  
Goofy!! Wake up! "Grrrrr" he didn't want it to come to this (well he did, but  
  
that's besides the point.) he ZAPPED (dudelododo) Goofy! Goofy woke with a  
  
shock. Too bad for Donald he is not a morning person. "You BASTARD!" and  
  
with a mighty roar, he stood up and began relentlessly pummeling Donald with  
  
his shield. Goofy! Goofy! Stop! He's essential to the plot, man! Yelled the Queen,  
  
accompanied by royal duchess Daisy. Meanwhile, a battered a bloody Donald  
  
coughs up a certain note/letter/message previously stuffed down his *evil voice*  
  
PATHETIC throat. 'Allo, what's all this then? Said the Queen, using her fake  
  
English accent (everyone secretly hated it, but they dare not say so, because  
  
they'd be beheaded.)  
BACK ON THE ISLAND! OHWEEEEOH!  
  
And so, Sora collected. stuff. But that's boring. So now it's time for.  
  
RED-ASS BEAT DOWN!!!!!!!  
  
"Wakka Wakka!" "Sora, if you don't stop saying that every time you talk to me,  
  
we're gonna have problems." "Please Wakka, you're a loser with beach balls."  
  
"HEY! They're not beach balls, they're BLITZ balls!" "That's not even a real  
  
sport!" "It.. It.. Used to be!" Wakka said, before breaking down and crying. Sora shifted his eyes around to make sure nobody was watching, and then bashed the  
  
sobbing idiot over the head. (Poor Wakka.) "The Destiny Islands. a beautiful  
  
paradise where kids have to beat the ever-loving crap out of each other for  
  
entertainment." And Sora did go on to beat Selphie (OW! God! OW! "What did  
  
you expect? You're a dumb chick with a jump rope!") And Tidus (AKA Cameo  
  
#1) who was happy and angry because he was hyper, but not the angsty star of the  
  
game. Then he decided to fight Riku, who was sitting on a tree, being evil yet  
  
handsome yet feminine yet cool. "Hi Riku!" said Sora amiably. "Oh, hey Sora,  
  
look how cool I am." "Yeah, you pointed it out to everyone." "Oh, so you're  
  
saying we have to fight!" No I- Sora uselessly stammered. "HEEEEEEEEEYAH!  
  
He roared! Before-uh calmly walking towards him. (The poor idiot) Seriously,  
  
you don't calmly walk around in a battle! It went something like this. "Hah ha,  
  
you still don't got- AAAAHHH!!!!! Not the face! Not the face!  
  
And this went on and on and on, till Sora was at least level 9. So he delivered his  
  
materials, and now it's time for.  
  
Fabulous sundown cut-scene number 1.  
  
Not That YOU get to see it yet, PUNK! 


	3. This is it, they're finally gonna die!

Chapter 3: O.K., this is it, they're gonna die!  
  
Okay! Boys and girls, I overcame my writer's block, so new chapter now! Disclaimer: I  
  
do not own kingdom Hearts.  
  
" So Kairi's home is out there somewhere, right?" said Sora, in a rare moment of  
  
game dialogue. "Could be. We'll never know by staying here." (I like that line, but I  
  
don't know why.) "But how far would a raft take us?" "Who knows? If we have to, we'll  
  
think of something else." " So suppose you do get to another world. What do you do  
  
there?" " Well, I haven't really WARNING! RETURNING TO PARODY! "Damnit!"  
  
yelled Riku, who had gone from "supacool evil love machine" to " the author's geeky,  
  
stupid, uncoordinated bitch" as soon as that warning came up. (Poor, poor, Riku.) "Wait  
  
a second. Other planets?" Sora queried. "It's a RAFT, for Christ's sake, not a spaceship."  
  
"What's wrong with you retards?" " Well, uh, you know, black holes and ocean  
  
wormhole, and you know, other dimensions, and raft other planets. Riku fumblingly  
  
explained." "Listen Sora, some times it's best to just stand there and look pretty," said  
  
Kairi. "Yeah, you'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" he said bitterly. "What's THAT  
  
mean?" "Relax, Kairi, all I'm saying is that you're nothing more than the chick who gets  
  
in my way." "Sora, you are such a dick! I'm glad you end up with a remedial dog and an  
  
anthropomorphic duck who doesn't wear pants!" "Goofy is very intelligent for his  
  
species!" " And I'm glad your lifeless body gets raped by Riku when your heart is stolen!"  
  
"You ruined my speech about other worlds!" yelled Riku, getting into the argument.  
  
"Fuck off Riku!" yelled everyone (even Riku) " Screw You!" was Riku's reply, as he  
  
chucked a star shaped fruit at sora's head that was tough as a rock and 2 times as heavy  
  
(the fruit, not Sora's head.)  
THE NEXT DAY.  
  
And so the three friends awoke, and thanks to author brand amnesia dust, forgot all the  
  
horrible things they said to each other (except for Sora, who forgot the incident because  
  
an aforementioned fruit knocked him out.) " Hi Sora! Said Riku brightly. "We're naming  
  
the raft highwind, you bitch! (Alright, there's still SOME anger.) "Like hell we are!"  
  
"Alright, the usual?" "Yeah, let's fight!" yelled Sora eagerly. "N-no, I was talking about  
  
racing." Riku stammered, shielding his face. "Oh," was sora's sad, sad reply. (He likes  
  
violence a wee too much, eh?) " And so "THE GRAND RAFTY NAMEY RACE DEAL  
  
THING SORTA KINDA" had begun! Sora took the lead, as riku was busy crouching.  
  
Sora jumped on that one falling platform, but Riku missed and fell. (Poor, Poor, Poor,  
  
Poor Riku.) And of course, Sora won. Riku let loose a long sigh and pathetically said, " I  
  
fell in the mud." And verily did our heroes laugh at Riku, who if you haven't by now is  
  
gonna be a pretty big loser in this fic. " Hahaha, okay, time to get down to business. "  
  
This time we're getting food!" Kairi explained to Sora, which was odd, since they'd gone  
  
over the plan months ago and Sora knew this. As is per usual, you and Riku will do the  
  
actual work, and I'll make a freakin' lucky necklace. "Because you gave us all the"-  
  
"DON'T START!" Yelled Kairi, before Sora could utter the blasphemous phrase and  
  
start another Disney castle segment. "Right, anyway, you'll need tres mushrooms, tres  
  
fish, dos coconuts, uno seagull egg, and uno can of drinking water. "Uh. Kairi, why are  
  
you slipping into Spanish? " Well, Wakka gets an accent, why can't I?" "Well, for one  
  
thing, YOU'RE NOT SPANISH!" " Just get the food pansy!" and lo, Sora went on the  
  
quest for food. To the fish! (I got ya! * Jaws Theme * Aww!! MY LEG!!) The seagull  
  
egg! (I wasn't gonna hurt em', I was just gonna eat em'! OW!) The drinking water!  
  
(Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie are drowning him in the fountain, while Sora screams blats  
  
blith blour blaccent!?(Translation: What's with your accent Wakka!? ( He passed out  
  
before he said Wakka.) (Might I add this is a parenthesis, in a parenthesis, in a  
  
parenthesis, in a parenthesis! That's like a record!) And the mushrooms (Hungry, Sora  
  
took a nibble, and lets just say he took a little trip to "wonderland.") Collecting the rest of  
  
the mushrooms for practical joke, he went into "the secret place." It was called that  
  
because everyone on the island knew about it, and as such, it was littered with graffiti.  
  
Here he found the mushroom, along with a very well drawn picture of his face, and a face  
  
so crappily drawn it was supposed to be Kairi but looked more like Riku. Sora started  
  
remembering when he made the drawing. as he recalled he was preoccupied with a  
  
crudely drawn naked stick woman drawn by Wakka. When they were done, Kairi hated  
  
the drawing so much; she kneed poor Sora in the groin and ran from the cave crying.  
  
Angry at the rikuesque drawing, he "relieved" himself on it, and drew the Sora face  
  
hitting the Riku face with that big, hard fruit. (His drawing skills hadn't improved.)  
  
Suddenly, Sora heard a noise. He saw a mysterious cloaked man enter in through a plain  
  
brown door. He spoke in an ominous voice " I've come to see the door to this world"  
  
"tied to the darkness" Suddenly, he realized Sora was leaving. " Hey! Where are you  
  
going!?" he yelled. Sora turned around and said " Well I gotta get this stuff back"- Sora  
  
was about to continue, when the mysterious figure interrupted "but I'm a cloaked,  
  
mysterious, ominous voiced, figure!" he whined. " Listen, buddy, I've dealt with you  
  
types before, and the last time I did, it got me fighting little shadow bugs, a giant FREAK  
  
monster, and I got swallowed up into a black hole!" And there is no way that will ever,  
  
ever, EVER, happen again! (It's called foreshadowing.) "Fine! Screw you!" yelled the  
  
ominous-voiced loser. And so, it was sundown again (they started out at morning, but  
  
because Sora ate the mushroom, he was asleep for a few hours.) Riku had to wash the  
  
mud off his face, so it was just Kairi and Sora (oddly enough, Sora didn't talk about the  
  
cloaked dude, but his mind was a bit-preoccupied.)  
  
"You know, Riku has changed." "You mean how he became a huge loser?" "Pretty  
  
much, Sora, pretty much." " Hey let's take the raft and go- just the two of us!"  
  
"SWEET!" Sora exclaimed, happy to be rid of that bastard. " I was only kidding, Sora."  
  
"Yeah, of course, ha ha ha." Sora said mechanically. " You know, I was a little afraid at  
  
first, but now I'm ready." "Oh baby" thought Sora. no matter where I go or what I see, I  
  
know I can always come back here. "I'm about to come back here in a second!" "Right,  
  
Sora? Sora?" "Oh, uh, yeah, sure." Sora said, roused from his arousing thoughts. " That's  
  
good. Sora, don't ever change." "Yeah, uh-huh" (he was getting pretty desperate.) I just  
  
can't wait to." " I CAN'T WAIT EITHER!" "Once we set sail, it'll be great." No, no, PLEASE DON'T END! NOOOOO!!!!! But the scene did end, and lo, did Sora weep that  
  
day, like a little girl who lost her doll.  
  
Meanwhile, back at the castle.  
  
"blah blah blah, key, blah blah, stars, blah, traverse town, blah blah blah, Leon." " He  
  
actually wrote "blah?" asked everyone in the room, as Donald read the note. "Yes." Said  
  
Donald said blankly (he was still mad about being beaten by goofy) " What could this  
  
mean?" "It means we'll just have to trust the king," said the Queen, while Donald commented on how she was the first "whipped wife", daisy smacked him one for saying  
  
it, and Goofy made whipping noises for all. Don't worry your highness. We'll find the  
  
key and have wacky adventures along the wacky way!" " Okay, but for story purposes,  
  
he will accompany you." The Queen pointed to a little bug on a table. " Hi! I'm Jiminy  
  
Cricket! As the living conscience of a wooden puppet, I promise I won't get you  
  
swallowed whole by a giant whale!" "Well, I'm going now." "Oh wait, YOU'RE  
  
COMING TOO YOU WHORE!" he yelled. (He didn't want to bring him along, but  
  
Goofy didn't want to come, so Donald made him.) And so, the two went on their merry  
  
way, scorching many peasant's houses along the way.  
  
Back on the Destiny Islands (for the last time, Muahaha)  
  
"I just can't wait. Once we set sail, it'll be great. " Damnit, Damnit, Damnit!" Sora  
  
screamed going over the cut-scene. He sullenly looked out the window "A Storm! The  
  
raft!" and he jumped out of the window to get it to safety " Sora! You lazy boy! GET  
  
YOUR ASS DOWN HERE, YOU LITTLE BITCH!" " Riku's boat! And Kairi's! Wait a  
  
second! If they had boats, why did we build a fucking raft!?" "I mean, come on! I- "Sora!  
  
Get to the island so I can rant at ya! "Oh, yeah!" said Sora, hurrying to the island. "Okay,  
  
I'm here." " Hold on a second. (He pulls out a notepad) The door has opened Sora!"  
  
"Did you eat some of those mushrooms?" "Yes! Also, now we can go to the outside  
  
world!" "That's why we built the raft, you idiot!" "Screw the raft!" "Screw you!" "Your  
  
dumb!" "Your Mamma!" "Oh yeah!? Well prepare for a scene much like your drug-  
  
induced dream! And of course, both were enveloped in inky black death, and Sora came  
  
out! (Yaaaaay) with a new weapon (yaaaaaaaay) and the mysterious voice returned!  
  
(Boooooo)  
  
" Keyblade. it said, and then repeated, keyblade." "Hmm, what could this key-shaped  
  
blade be?" he wondered, completely ignoring the voice. (Poor voice) and so, after some  
  
serious thwacky time, Sora made it to the "secret place," which has much significance,  
  
because I keep referring to it in quotations. Where he found and Kairi, who was all sad  
  
and junk (Boooooo) then the EVIL DOOR OF DOOM opened, and blew Sora (ha ha.  
  
Blew Sora.) on to the remainder of the island, where he fought Darkside (again)  
  
thwacked him (again) won (again) And got sucked into a vortex of doom (again) with no  
  
clear casualty in the battle (again)  
  
Where will Sora go? What will happen? You already know the answer if you're reading  
  
this fic! What's wrong with you? Also, on an interesting note, 20 min. of gameplay = 3  
  
and a half pages in a Microsoft word document. Ha ha! I'm losing my sanity even as I  
  
typ565634tydg  
  
-I would like to initiate a group hug-Starfire 


	4. Okay, they're not all dead

Chapter 4: All right, they're not all dead  
  
"Wow, Donald, those sure were some wacky adventures we had finding our way  
  
here." "We wouldn't have had to if you stopped for directions!" "What are you, a  
  
woman?" " Oh, shut it." "Hey, Donald, maybe we should go this way." "Why?"  
  
"Because we'll meet the keybearer and save ourselves the boss battle." "Goofy,  
  
come here." "No" " Come here, Goofy." "No, you'll hit me." "No I won't. Just  
  
come here." "Okay." and with that, Donald smacked the poor gullible idiot with  
  
his wand. (Boooooo) "So there Donald! I have larger fanbase!" "Well, MY  
  
fanbase is more devoted!" "And we're STILL not going into the alleyway!  
  
"Aww man, I NEVER shoulda eaten that mushroom." Sora groaned. Suddenly, he  
  
became briefly aware that a large, cartoonish dog was right next to him. (Not  
  
Goofy, that would be too easy) It was Pluto, who unfortunately didn't know dogs  
  
could talk and walk upright. "Get outta here, Devil dog!" screamed Sora, who  
  
had a secret fear of cartoon animals. (Poor, poor, poor, poor Sora) he walked out  
  
of his alley, (like all homeless people, he was developing "turf") and came to a  
  
startling realization that any idiot would've made 5 minutes ago: he was in  
  
another world. "Oh heavenly mother of all creation, oh sweet celestial bodies, all  
  
that is time and space, everything that could conceivably be imagined by man!"  
  
all these thoughts swirled in Sora's brain, and converged to form one word: "  
  
Dude." And so our manly, buff, masculine, macho hero, in a strange alien world,  
  
decided to go to an accessory shop to buy a pretty bracelet and maybe a matching tiara.  
Wuss. But Sora's dreams of feeling pretty were dashed by Cid, a crazy old  
  
drunk who tells people he beat an insane evil bent on destroying the world with a  
  
guy with a sword, a big-titted hooker with gloves, and he had a spear. Needless to  
  
say, he HATED kids. " Get outta here!" roared the middle-aged nutball. "But I  
  
just wanna know how to get to my island!" Sora tried to explain. "Oh, yeah,  
  
you'll wanna try 2nd district, he grinned, lying through his teeth. " and you  
  
certainly won't run into horrible demons that will suck out your heart and soul  
  
from your still-living flesh." " Thanks, Mr. Highwind!" (Think Dennis the Menace)  
  
Meanwhile, in 2nd district.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed generic guy. " This demon is sucking my  
  
heart and soul out of my still-living flesh! The pain is indescribably horrible, yet it all  
  
seems to be happening in an instant! I am to suffer a fate worse than death! Death would  
  
be a sweet joy! I am giving into darkness, and my mortal body disappears, but now my  
  
horrible pain is lessen-AUUUGHH!!!" he screamed as he finally died, or turned into a  
  
heartless or whatever. (Sora did nothing to stop this, even though he easily could, but to  
  
his credit, he burped.) Sora then let out a bored sigh and said, "This place sucks,"  
  
forgetting the reason he had come.  
  
Meanwhile at the hall of justice.  
  
"Oh No, Superman! It's the Riddler!" " That's right Superfools! And I have a  
  
riddle for you!" "Who's green and purple and commits lots of crime? Who's only  
  
superpower is wasting your time? "Jeepers, what could it mean?" "Green, money,  
  
that's it! Motorbikes! "Purple. grapes.monkey. that's it! Diapers! "And  
  
commits lots of crime must refer to the Metropolis Crime Factory! "And wastes  
  
lots of time must mean it's broken clock tower!  
  
Meanwhile, at 1st district.  
  
"They'll come at you out of nowhere," Said ANOTHER mysterious voice  
  
(boooooo) "oh god," groaned Sora, "Another one?" "AHEM! And they'll  
  
continue to come at you as long you wield it." "Oh for the love of god can't one  
  
of you just MAKE YOUR POINT AND GO AWAY!?" "Uh, O-o-kay," stuttered  
  
a surprised Leon. " Gimme the keyblade." "No way, this is my ticket to babes!"  
  
Ah, okay then. I will have to hurt you." "Well, alright. Goodbye." Lets look at  
  
the stats for a second here: a scrawny kid with a big key that looks more like a  
  
blunt object than a blade, and a maybe 25, fairly muscular guy with a huge sword  
  
that that shoots out fireballs of death, plus, the guy is like, permanently pissed off.  
  
Things do not look good for our hero. Fortunately, Leon is a dead ringer for Riku,  
  
and decides to walk around slowly like an idiot. Also, the traverse town police  
  
tend to side with kids getting beaten by guys with sword/guns. "Having beaten the  
  
semi-idiot, Sora collapsed into a heap. A young girl spoke up" aww, you're  
  
slipping, Leon. " I went easy on him. He's a loser. I'm so cool 'cause I beat up a  
  
14 year old." Suddenly, Sora sprang awake! "Aw, Dude, don't be so lame! Just  
  
cuz you wanna score with this chick, no reason to be talkin' trash.  
  
Meanwhile, in 2nd district.  
  
"This place sure is creepy!" "Aw phooey! I'm not scared!" suddenly, a hand  
  
tapped his shoulder. He simply turned around and said "yeah?" Huh. He really  
  
wasn't scared. Kinda anticlimactic huh?  
  
Meanwhile, at district numero uno.  
  
"So the Heartless were tracking me with the keyblade? And I'm the chosen one to  
  
wield the keyblade? And babies are made through sexual intercourse?" "Yup"  
  
"Okay, you know there are other worlds out there besides your castle and this town?  
  
Right?" said Aerith, speaking to Donald and Goofy. They've been secret because blah  
  
blah blah blah. "This Chick is hot! Thought Donald. "Seriously, she is fine! Talks a lot  
  
though." " I wonder what I'm gonna have for dinner tonight? Thought Goofy. " That  
  
macaroni and cheese is just gonna go bad if I don't eat it. Or I could eat out at (now  
  
thinking out loud) Ansem's? " He was studying the Heartless, and included all his  
  
findings in blah blah." "Oh, way to go Goofy! As if she wasn't talking enough! If I could  
  
just slide a  
BACK TO SORA!!! HURRY!!!!  
  
"And the keyblade opens locks and doors? "Yes." And my island was destroyed? "Yes!"  
  
And my friends are gone? "YES" "and"- "YES!" my friends Riku and Kairi? " I don't  
  
know okay?" ".You suck Leon." "Yeah, I do" at this point, there's nothing to say, so  
  
the heartless just attacked. No witty comment. I'm NOT A MACHINE! So we all know  
  
the drill (If not, MAJOR thwacky time.) Meanwhile, Donald gets smashed paper-thin by  
  
a door and Goofy comprehends how this is possible with several leading scientists in the  
  
fields of ducks and doors.  
  
Finally, in 3rd district.  
  
"Lets us kick some heartless ass goofy!" The poor idiots. They got blown sky-  
  
high! "Man, you guys suck!" "We're better when we fight with you!" And indeed  
  
they were, for it was MAJOR thwacky time made 3x better+ the power of  
  
teamwork! (YAAAAAY) then Guard Armor, which is pretty, cool, but I'm not  
  
great at action sequences yet, so ultimately, they just beat him up, and I'll say  
  
nothing further.  
Whistles * yeah, okay, he's coming back. At any rate, there were now time  
for proper  
  
introductions, which was too bad, because of Sora's fear of cartoon  
animals  
  
(mentioned above) but he stopped running like a scared girl when he heard  
they could  
  
go to other worlds. "So I could potentially find my friends, Riku and  
Kairi? "SURE!"  
  
said Donald, lying through his teeth. (This happens a lot to Sora.) "But  
there shall be NO FROWNING! For if you were to frown, our ship would  
crash and burn in a  
  
deadly hellfire! "Seriously?" "No, but smile anyway." "Okay" he mustered  
up his  
  
strength; the I prepared the drum roll, and. a monstrous, demonic grin  
that could  
  
belong only TO SATAN HIMSELF! "HAHAHAHHA!!" that's funny! Not at all  
  
demonic! Goofy and Donald said in unison, not wanting to upset demon-grin  
Sora.  
  
Meanwhile, in mystery land of  
mystery.  
  
"That little squirt took down that Heartless! Who'd have thought it?"  
Roared  
  
Hades. "Yeah, whatever, lets just get back to watching that hot young  
couple before  
  
Maleficent comes back." Said Jafar. "ooh, they're so in love" said  
Ursula. "Shh! I  
  
think I hear something!" yelled captain hook. " Change it back!" Yelled  
Boogie  
  
Oogie. "You guys were watching that hot young couple again, aren't you?  
"Yes."  
  
They all replied. "Hey, how come you're the leader? Asked Hook. Because  
Hades  
  
and Boogie are comical, and Jafar and Ursula have no leadership  
abilities. "Well,  
  
what about me?" demanded Hook. " Oh yes, of course, in the group with the  
sorcerer,  
  
the ghost, the sea witch, the god of the dead himself, and an evil witch  
that turns into  
  
a dragon, we should let the PIRATE who got beaten by a flying 13 year old  
with a knife  
  
be our leader! Besides, this whole Disney villain meeting thing is just a  
ruse for the  
  
main,  
  
squaresoft style villain. "yeah yeah." Everyone grumbled.  
  
Back at traverse town (and the end of  
this chapter)  
  
From all us Final Fantasy Extras, here's 200 munny, so you have some  
chance of  
  
surviving wonderland. with apathy and angst, Leon  
  
okay, guys! Lets go! And with that, Sora opened the doors out of Traverse Town, and  
  
was sucked into the cold vacuum of space (what did you expect?) there was a cold  
  
silience, and then, " I want my munny back." "sshh."  
  
WHHHOOO!!! Stayed up all night to finish this along with chap. 3. gonna die. Bury me at makeout creek. Also, I HATE the Riddler.  
  
You have the largest amount of information resources at your disposal, and how do you use it? You use it to beat King Koopa! - George Feeny 


	5. Her highness Get it? High? Cause of Wond...

Chapter 5: Her Highness. Get it? High? Cause it's  
  
Wonderland, and drugs n' stuff? And it's funny? Kinda?  
  
And so, our heroes made it to the Gummi ship after being sucked into the cold  
  
vacuum of space. (See chap. 4) and now it's time for super laser doom joy ride time! But  
  
I hate those segments, so let's just say they made it, and keep it our little secret, okay? It  
  
case you didn't read the chapter title; they found Wonderland and fell down the hole.  
  
(where is that hole, anyway? You don't see it anywhere on the planet.) There they found  
  
the White Rabbit, and Sora's instinctive nature to kill anything that moved (if it  
  
moves, it's obviously a Heartless.) took over. What ensued was a 3-month media circus,  
  
notifying  
  
next of kin, a trial, and jail-time. (However, in Sora's defense, a wizard made him do it.)  
  
"Man, how is it that this so-called world is just this room?" "It'd be more than just  
  
that if you talked to me!" Yelled a lazy voice emanating from a doorknob. (I friggin'  
  
HATE that Doorknob.) "Dude, what the hell?" "Simple, just take the bottle." "Hey, how  
  
come you guys didn't talk to me before?" The Doorknob continued. "Well, I killed a  
  
rabbit, and the author's making things up as he goes along." (It's True!) That settled,  
  
Donald and Goofy were about to take the bottle, when Sora spoke up. "Wait a second,  
  
we're going to take a mysterious bottle because a freaking DOORKNOB told us to, and  
  
I'm the only one who finds something wrong with this?" There was a long, awkward  
  
silence, and then. "Ha Ha Ha! Oh, Sora, you're an idiot!" "I know!" after that settled  
  
down, they all took the bottle, but that !@#$%^&* Doorknob was still asleep! So they  
  
took the OTHER mysterious bottle, moved the !@# bed, and went through the !@#$%  
  
side door. Coming into the Queen's garden, Sora swore he'd been in here before (See  
  
Chap. 3) A black rabbit calls the trial to order. "Aight foo's! Courts in session! Da  
  
Queen a' Hearts presiding yo'!" "I'm on trial? But why?" asked Alice, (You know what  
  
she looks like, why should I describe her?) "BECAUSE YOU'RE A WHORE!" roared  
  
the Q.O.H. (although it's a normal voice for her) "Oh, yeah" Alice said dismally. "Well?"  
  
said Donald. "What?" "Aren't you going to say we should help her out?" "Listen, I'm  
  
already a convicted felon, I don't wanna make it any worse." "Okay then, we find you  
  
guilty for prostitution. Oh yeah, and theft of my heart. I guess." "But that's the  
  
Heartless!" "Donald, I know you want me to go save her, but I think she'd know which  
  
person tried to steal her freakin' heart!" "Just do it anyway, she's hot!" "Donald, you  
  
have a serious problem, she's like, 10!" But it was meant to follow the game plot, and  
  
Donald, with the magical power of venquilotrism, made Sora speak out. So, of course,  
  
now they had to get evidence. Somehow, they found footprints (how can you carry  
  
around footprints?) stink, (HOW?) and antennae (that makes sense, but I still hate  
  
wonderland.) "Unfortunately, all these signs still pointed to Alice, So now it's time for.  
  
RED-ASS BEAT-DOWN 2!  
  
What? They're cards! Donald could beat them up! It'd just take one fire! It took  
  
about 1.5 seconds, which as any moron knows, is enough time to take a girl from a high-  
  
up cage without being seen. And now (of course) it's up to our heroes to find her! "Why  
  
the hell did we even COME here?" grumbled Sora. "Because it's the easiest planet yet!"  
  
Said (much to Sora's horror.) a mysterious voice. "Oh sweet lord why?" "I'm here to tell  
  
you nothing, even though I supposedly know everything." The 3 gave each other a look,  
  
and then. "GAAA! Okay! I'll talk, I'll talk!" the Damned Cat (I hate just about every  
  
body in wonder land.) was being strangled by goofy, slowly burned by Donald, and cut  
  
by Sora. (Poor cat) The Disney villains took Alice! You have to turn on 2 lights in the  
  
upside down room to fight the boss! Take the enlarge bottle before fighting the boss!  
  
That's all I know!" "Let him go." "To the upside down ROOOM!"  
  
5 hours later.  
  
"Where the hell is the upside down room?" "I don't know." "@#$% Cat!"  
  
4 hours later.  
  
"These fat heartless take forever to kill!" "I'm N-n-not fat! Oh whenever I get  
  
upset I eat!"  
1 hour later.  
  
"Okay! The lights is lit! Alice is nowhere to be found, and the boss fight is coming  
  
up! This is the most useless world yet!" "You've only been in 3!" "Okay, you know  
  
what? Shut up! I've had it up to here with your mysterious voices, and other worlds, and  
  
cartoon animals!" and you know what? I QUIT!  
  
Err, hold on folks, there's some technical difficulty.  
  
Okay! Now that Sora's been replaced, we can continue. "Why hello fellows! I am  
  
Sora! Behold my Soraness! Now, leave us to fight the boss monster, my friends!" (okay,  
  
this Sora sucks, but don't worry, as normal Sora will be back next chapter.)  
  
And so, back at the bizarre room.  
  
Sora, Donald, and Goofy drink the enlarge bottle, as soon as trickmaster comes in.  
  
"Behold my might! I am Trickmast- he suddenly realizes their full size. "Oh Shi-  
  
AUUUGGHHH!!!" (think of how easy that fight would've been if you were full size.)  
  
And while it might've SEEMED pointless, some- well, actually, it was only an average  
  
thwacky time, but the point is that it woke that lazy-ass doorknob up "Oh, what a racket!  
  
How's a doorknob to get any sleep?" the jackass then yawned, revealing a keyhole that  
  
was automatically closed by the keyblade. "what the heck just happened?" asked New  
  
Sora. "Oh, the Cheshire Cat said it's a keyhole to the heart of this world." "Wait a  
  
second. If that doorknob just yawned earlier we could've avoided all this!? (See, old Sora  
  
is coming back already.) "Well, lets get back to the Gummi ship." "What about Alice?"  
  
"What about her? She can't be essential to the plot. No sir, she is not essential at all."  
  
"We need a save point to get back to our ship." "Goofy, what the hell are you talking about?"  
Mean while, in Traverse Town.  
  
We see Pluto, standing outside the traverse town door. "Uh, Donald, Goofy?  
  
Where are you guys?" he said (in dog) "Aw man." "I still want my munny." "SHUT  
  
UP!"  
  
Okay! I don't think this chapter was very good. I thought it was okay, but 3 and 4 were better. 


	6. How is this a world?

Chapter 6: How is this a "world?"  
  
And so, with the completely useless trip to Wonderland over, Sora (the old Sora,  
  
Not the lesser, new Sora) and the fellowship of the key (I wanted to work that in  
  
Somewhere) now went on to the next (also useless) world: The Olympus  
  
Coliseum! Seum! Eum! (That's an echo, if it's hard to tell) "Okay, this place  
  
Sucks even worse than Wonderland." Sora whined. "When the hell are you going?  
  
To be satisfied with the worlds?" "When we find one that isn't a few room- sized  
  
Areas." As they were arguing, they entered into the Coliseum's! Seum's! Eum's!  
  
Lobby. There they found a little freak-goat guy. "Hey, uh move that pedestal for  
  
Me!" "First off, that's just a big block, and I don't take orders from no goat! "Oh,  
  
Yeah! Well I'll have you know I am an old, fat, loser!" " And as is such, I'm  
  
Going to block your way to the games, and you can't beat me up for it because I'm  
  
An old, fat, loser, as mentioned above, and this is a video game! MUAHAHA!  
  
"Fine. We don't WANT to enter the stupid games, anyway! Sheesh!" and our  
  
Overly sensitive heroes walked off in a huff. "Wait! I'm sorry! At least smash  
  
Some barrels!" Sora immediately stopped. "You mean. THWACKY TIME?"  
  
Sora said with glee. "Uh, yeah, sure" "OH YES" (if there was one thing Sora  
  
Missed, it was thwacky.)  
  
500,000 million in wood later.  
  
"Kid, listen, you've busted at least 500,000 million in wood!" "Can we go to the  
  
Games now?" "NO! "Why?" "Two words: You guys ain't heroes!" "Hey, that's  
  
Four words! What are you, some kind of retard?" "Dude! By just zinged you  
  
GOOFY!" "About your INTELLIGENCE!" "That has gotta be a new level in  
  
Suck." "Well, Whatever, we have to go anyway." And Sora walked out, his urge  
  
For thwacky having diminished. When they were gone, Phil looked around, said,  
  
"I'm so lonely." And started sobbing. (Poor Phil) Once they were out of the  
  
Lobby, an evil, oily, voice said "Hey! Where you going?" well, we were planning  
  
To visit other worlds, on the count of this one sucks." "Fine! Screw you!" yelled  
  
Hades, disappearing. "Suddenly, Phil, desperate for someone to talk to, called,  
  
"You still can't come to the games, pussies! "That was IT. They had HAD IT!  
  
NO MORE! They advanced on Phil, Who began stammering, "B-but this is a V-  
  
V-video G-game!" "I'm afraid not." Said Sora, creepily. "It's a fanfic" said  
  
Donald, also creepily. "A HUMOR fanfic!" said Goofy. (Creepily)  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Phil.  
  
1 serious beating later.  
  
Phil is hanging from the ceiling by his arms, with several bruises, a broken  
  
Leg, one missing horn, and a ripped-off beard. Sora and Co. enters the Coliseum.  
  
"Okay, you know what? Wonderland, I could barely believe was a world.  
  
Traverse Town, I could believe was a world. Destiny Islands, I KNEW was a  
  
World. But there is NO WAY that an entrance to a lobby, a lobby, and a coliseum  
  
Is a world! "Listen, Sora, we know you're upset, but. IT'S THWACKY  
  
TIIIIIIME!" "SWEET!" and so, as we have with all action sequences, we will  
  
Replace it with the words "Ultimate Thwacky Time" (or something similar) but  
  
Forget that for now, let's go to.  
  
Mystery World of Mystery!  
  
Hades is watching the TV and munching some popcorn. "Hmm, I wonder  
  
If I forgot something." Suddenly, he sat bolt upright "oh yeah, my evil plan! Aw  
  
Snap! I gotta get outta here!" "He appeared an instant later in the coliseum  
  
(seum!) (eum!) And spoke to cloud (AKA other FF Extra) and said "You kill kid,  
  
Me bring back Aerith from death, me watch TV. You got it?" and disappeared  
  
Again faster than Cloud could say "angst" speaking of angst, well, there's not  
  
Much of it in this game. Possibly because it has Goofy, and it's hard to be serious  
  
with him around. Suddenly, cloud walked onto the arena. "Angst angsty angst!"  
  
he cried, and the battle was on. And sad to say he lost. That's right. The total  
  
nutball with the giant sword who survived "mako poisoning" countless boss  
  
battles, and a Mr. T rip-off with a gun for a hand, lost to a kid with a key, a  
  
remedial dog that cowers behind a shield and a crazed duck that refuses to wear  
  
pants. And that's it. Hades didn't unleash Cerberus, because he was watching TV.  
  
Oh come on, don't be like that. All I would've said was that they thwacked him.  
  
Ha ha. Although because of this, they never became junior heroes, or fought in  
  
the coliseum again. EVER. And so they left, and NEVER, EVER returned. When  
  
they left, Maleficent appeared, and said, "Do not let your anger get the best of"-  
  
"Hey, where's Hades? I have to deliver my speech about not being angry, or  
  
careless, so it's more ironic when I, myself am consumed by it to turn into a dragon."  
  
Meanwhile, at Hades' crib.  
  
"Ha, ha, oh man, I can't believe they Punk'd Quasimodo in such a horrible fashion!"  
  
Meanwhile, in Traverse Town.  
  
Pluto is wandering through the 2nd district, when he comes across the Dalmatians  
  
house. He sees Perdita. "Heloooo!"  
  
Hi! I think I'm slipping. This one wasn't too funny, as it didn't give a lot of fresh material, and I think the running gags are getting a tad stale. (in case you were wondering, Pluto and Perdita will have an affair.) 


	7. I thought this was africa, and Jane and...

Chapter 7: Wait, I thought this place is  
  
Africa, and Jane and Clayton are from Britain, so. dude?  
  
After deciding to NEVER, EVER, return to the Olympus Coliseum! Seum! Eum!  
  
Our brave, fairly stupid, rather violent heroes hauled ass in their new Gummi ship (It  
  
changed that one time during the last chapter. You didn't see it because a big ad blocked  
  
your vision. I can't describe it anymore, but trust me, it's cool.) To the closest planet,  
  
because the script called for it, and quite frankly, they lack any navigational system.  
  
What they came across was a lush, tropical jungle. Sora felt a strong attraction to places  
  
lush and/or tropical, so he could bitch about living there. (It had been a while.) But  
  
wouldn't you know it, now one of the others had to have that "common sense thing." (It's  
  
going around. I must kill them before they infect the others.) "Hey, maybe the king's  
  
down there Donald." "No he's not." (Forget that common sense thing.) "What about my  
  
friends, Riku and Kairi?" "Screw them!" "I'd bet you'd like to, you horny little freak!"  
  
"Oh that is it! Goofy, take the wheel!" "You. you, WOULDN'T!" But alas, it was too  
  
late, and goofy crashed the ship. (They survived, but it cost them their gummi ship's  
  
newfound coolness.)  
  
"Uh, did I make it?" Sora realized that he did indeed make it, and what's more it  
  
was lush! Also, tropical! "Finally! Bitch, bitch, bitch! It sure does suck living on a lush,  
  
tropical jungle! Wa! Wa! I"- the therapeutic whining was suddenly interrupted, as a  
  
panther (or leopard, or whatever the hell that thing is.) leapt down on him, to feast on  
  
sweet, chosen keybearer flesh. Sadly, the damn thing got beaten. SEVERELY. Come  
  
now, folks, it's just a leopard. How can it be stronger than a round body? Much less come  
  
back several times! If the Keyblade were THAT great, it would take 2 good whacks to  
  
take down a reasonably tough animal. And by take down, I mean KILL. NOT make it go  
  
away, only to come back three more times. And kill Sora did. While Sora was reveling in  
  
his bloody murder (how can it be a blade if it doesn't slash and draw blood? One word:  
  
DISNEY!) A longhaired, tall man with a spear and a loincloth (heh, loin) ran up to him.  
  
"Me Tarzan. Me supposed to drive away Sabor. (the leopard, for anyone who didn't  
  
watch the movie or play the game, and if you haven't done at least one of these, I suggest  
  
you get the hell out of my fic, before I get ma' gun.) Why you ruin Tarzan heroic  
  
entrance?" "I didn't know you existed." "That no excuse. Sabor, danger." "No dude, he's  
  
a huge pussy." (Get it? Pussy? Like a cat? Pussycat? And it's a leopard? Aw, shut up.)  
  
"Also, I'm looking for my friends, Riku and Kairi." "What about other two?" "Well,  
  
Riku and Kairi's name instead of theirs signifies I don't care about them. But don't  
  
worry, because at the end, we learn the value of friendship." "So, in other words, writers  
  
of game struggled to give world plot?" "Exactly." "Oh, by way, Oh-oh-ah-ah. Friends.  
  
Friends Oh-oh-ah-ah." While the retarded longhair spouted off nonsense words that tied  
  
in with the "heart" theme of the game, Sora amused himself with a hallucination (if he's  
  
using it to amuse himself, shouldn't it be a daydream?) of Kairi, performing "Exotic  
  
dance" (I'm not gonna say what it is. What it REALLY is) but the vision ended as soon  
  
as Tarzan said he knew the whereabouts of Sora's friends. "Sweet! Show me!" and with  
  
that, Tarzan jumped out into a tree canopy, as did Sora, who sustained a surprisingly low  
  
amount of horribly painful injuries. (It was a long jump!)  
  
"Gawrsh! Where are we! I sure hope Sora's okay." "We don't need him! We can  
  
find the king without him." "But won't he be mad we don't have the keybearer?" ".  
  
AUUUTHOR! Goofy's using common sense!" "GOOOOFY!" "Sorry." "Hey, Goofy,  
  
look at this! A gummi block!" exclaimed Donald, holding up a gummi block left by a  
  
gorilla. (How it got one is beyond me.)  
  
Meanwhile, in Jane's tent.  
  
Sora had just recently got to the campsite, by somehow sliding on a mossy tree  
  
branch (How is that possible? Something in the moss?) "Jane!" "Tarzan!" "Hi!" "Hi!"  
  
"Stop communicating in single words!" "Oh, I'm sorry, I figured you were a retard too."  
  
"But I have such fancy, ridiculous clothes!" "Hey, look what I done found!" said a man  
  
just entering the tent, interrupting this stimulating conversation. It was Donald and  
  
Goofy. "Can I shoot at em?" "Mr. Clayton, no! Blah, blah, blah, tree- hugging hippy,  
  
blah, blah!" "He he. Boobies." Thought Tarzan. (What? He's raised by gorillas! His only  
  
interest in women should be primal. Also, in case you were wondering, Clayton is a  
  
redneck, because if you take away his British accent, that's all he is.) Hoping to end her  
  
eco-whining, Sora asked, "What's the deal with Tarzan?" "He was raised by Gorillas in  
  
the jungle," she said, her obvious love of the retarded ape-man showing. "Hehe.  
  
Boobies." Tarzan said, out loud this time. "Oh Tarzan, you're so great." "Well, I've  
  
decided to stay here, because Goofy and me found a gummi block." "Uh, Donald, I hate  
  
to disappoint you, but this is a gorilla shit." (That explains it!) "Aw, dude! Well, we're  
  
still staying here, for continuity purposes." "Well, let's get this plot moving, cause quite  
  
frankly, its 4:00 A.M." "Then in that case, them friends o' yours is with those gorillas,  
  
sonny." "If we must do this quick, me just agree, simplify things." And so, our heroes  
  
(and possibly a smelly dude with a spear.) went off to swing about on many annoying  
  
vines, which are in the opposite direction of the nesting grounds. (So why was Kerchak  
  
over there?) "Kerchak, please listen to me. I know the nesting grounds are secret, but I  
  
trust them, because, well, they need us." "Ohh, I trust them because they need us. Blah  
  
blah blah. Well to bad SUCKA!" "Dude, why are you such a dick?" "Because, I'm the  
  
gruff father figure who is mistrustful due to his need to protect the tribe!" "You're  
  
gorillas, you don't HAVE a "tribe," you have a pack or something!" "Well they still can't  
  
come till they save our world from the horrible evil! Because I'm too big of a wimp to do  
  
it myself!" (Gorillas are strong. Give em some pointy sticks and rocks and they could  
  
probably beat the Heartless on their own, especially if a leopard can survive three brutal  
  
beat downs with an ancient, magical blade of awesome power.) "Did you get that?" "Yes,  
  
Goofy, I suddenly gained the ability to talk to gorillas." "Really?" "NO!" "Well, let's go  
  
to the tree house you two! "Why?" "Well, you guys were supposed to be suggesting  
  
going up they're in your minds, but you were busy arguing like the idiots you so are.  
  
Donald and Goofy looked at each other, and shoved Sora of the cliff.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" he screamed. And continued on screaming for almost.  
  
3 hours later.  
  
"Landed on a hippo, nearly broke my spine, and got arrested for abusing hippos. As if I  
  
was the one abusing THEM! You guys suck!" And verily did Sora and co. go to the tree  
  
house, albeit with a lot of childish name-calling. "Well you're just a big dumb. dumb  
  
guy!" "Oooh! That's a good one!" "YEAH! Well you're just a-rotted gorilla corpse!"  
  
"That was pretty good." "No! A real gorilla corpse!" (What? Sora fell down for 3 hours!  
  
Do you expect Clayton to just wait?) As it turned out, they missed one eighth of the  
  
remaining plot! And it's NOT just a clever ruse to shorten this chapter! No sir! And so  
  
after catching up it was time to. CRITIQUE THE PLOT! "Well, okay, I like Clayton  
  
shooting Terk. It signified his turning to evilness. Thumbs up!" "Well, Donald, I think it  
  
would have been better if we had actually saved her. Thumbs down." "And frankly, we  
  
already knew he was evil. The scene was almost purposeless. Thumbs down." "Jane  
  
chewing out Clayton. Boring scene. Dumb. No purpose. Thumbs down." "You're just  
  
saying that because you only see value in women's looks. Thumbs up." "The only thing I  
  
enjoy about this scene is Clayton saying "imbeciles" and that's lost now that he's a  
  
redneck. Thumbs down." "And as for this segment, THUMBS DOWN!" they yelled in  
  
unison. (Ungrateful bastards.) Now that the catching up was done and all was right with  
  
the world (not this world. Another world. Duh.) It was time for heroic thwacky time,  
  
which means they saved somebody, and got more gorillas "Gummi blocks." And so, the  
  
saviors of the universe were too busy collecting gorilla turds to stop the kidnapping.  
  
(Of Jane.) (By the heartless) (And apparently a big black fruit.) But it was obvious they  
  
had to ignore it, because otherwise they couldn't go on those damned vines. "Hey guys!  
  
That big black fruit looks suspicious!" "Honestly, Sora! We didn't know you were  
  
racist!" "No! Not that guy!" Said Sora, referring to a large, stereotypical looking gay man  
  
named Steve. " I'm not gay!" (It's true, but no one believes him. Poor Steve. But then  
  
again, it's partly his fault for wearing a scarf.) "The actual, large black fruit!"  
  
"Oh, of course." "And they bashed the fruit good. A collective gasp fills the room.  
  
People begin chattering in whispers. People look at me with shock and awe! For I used a  
  
new word! Bashed instead of thwacked! What a concept! L33T! I am 4W350M3! I  
  
apologize. I will never talk like that again. (If I do, I must take my own life, and then how  
  
will this fic get finished? It won't.) With the fruit destroyed (and Steve having  
  
mysteriously disappeared forever.) Jane and Terk were freed. But wait, you say. Terk is  
  
dead, isn't she? Yes. But Clayton is one sick bastard. "You realize this can only mean  
  
one things." Jane asked. "A climactic boss fight?" answered Sora. "Yeah." "YES!" after  
  
more sliding or damned vines or whatever, Sora reached the cliff. He was sorely  
  
disappointed. All he got was a boss fight with Clayton. CLAYTON, for Christ's sake! A  
  
human! yet somehow, it actually took a while. But of course Sora won. He whacked (the  
  
streak continues!) Clayton out of. yeah, somehow, he survived, but there's nothing I  
  
could say about it that I didn't about Sabor, only more so. Also, before (or possibly after  
  
this) Tarzan whined about how "it not Clayton," and more idiot-speak. "So, after  
  
SMACKY time (I'm a creative genius!) It was time to end this hellish chapter in their  
  
wacky quest. The top gorilla.dude showed his amazing appreciation for this heroic deed  
  
by. smashing him against the cliff. (he meant for it to kill) the three once again  
  
managed to sustain minor injuries. (they got knocked around by heartless a lot, but it  
  
should still hurt.) They went through that friggin' underwater cavern place (hate that  
  
place.) and found, to their amazement. a damned tree. All that, for a tree. FUDGE. To  
  
relieve his horrible anger, he stabbed some innocent butterflys, and of course, ended up  
  
doing something heroic. Out popped a funky (funky fresh AND phat.) gummi block. It's  
  
SO funky, it's not even a block! Or the kings! (BOOOO!) so now, it's time for  
  
some long spiel to make this world have a semi-point. "Clayton, Ooh-Ooh- ah." 'Oh, of  
  
course, Ooh-Ooh-ah-ah must mean heart." "No, Tarzan thought. it mean "Crazy idiot."  
  
"Crazy idiot! Your friends there!" said Tarzan. "Oh Tarzan! You're ridiculous!" (it turns  
  
out poor old Tarz was right, because Selphie, Wakka and Tidus were behind the tree. (As  
  
for why he said he knew where Riku and Kairi were, well, he didn't KNOW their names,  
  
and he doesn't know many English names, much less Japanese ones.) but the jerks had  
  
already left. "well that was fun, but now we have to get talked to by crazy bearded guys."  
  
"To Traverse Town?" "Yes! But first. Sora grinned evilly. Open fire on Deep Jungle.  
  
"MUAHAHAH!" (tell me you never tried to laser blast a world before.) as the planet  
  
exploded, you could hear 3 tiny, screaming voices, one with a prominent, unspecified  
  
accent.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Quasimodo, Punk'd, or Disney.  
  
Yes! I am back on top! This one went well. (or so I think.) -if carrots are good for your eyes, can they dial a phone?- Ed 


	8. uh, plot?

Chapter 8: uh.. Plot?  
  
"You know what I said about Traverse Town being a world? Forget it. It's a  
  
town." "NO! Traverse Towns a town? Alert the media!" "Well, all I'm saying is that it  
  
has no right to call itself a world." "Sora, this joke is so old, thwacky time sounds fresh  
  
and exciting in comparison." "Oh yeah, well"-"SORA! Leon is in the sewers, training!"  
  
said Yuffie, who had not had but 4 words in this baby, and was clearly overacting. And  
  
so, with much griping and complaining, our heroes trekked to the sewers, which was  
  
more of an underground cave than sewer. Honestly, it has a painting in it! Sewers don't  
  
have paintings, and I, in particular, would be an authority on the matter. "So, you found  
  
the keyhole." "Actually, I just stabbed some stuff." "Me too." "Cool." "Yeah." "Dude." "Guys! Chapter title!" "Oh, right. Well, Keyhole, blah blah, world, blah, heart, this  
  
town." "Well, once again, you're totally unhelpful." "It's what I do. As a matter of fact,  
  
I'm nothing but a huge obstacle throughout this whole game." 'Hey, how come you guys  
  
live in a sewer? "Well, it seems that SOMEONE can't get himself a JOB to keep our  
  
hotel room, because he's far too busy being MYSTERIOUS and slashing at the  
  
FREAKIN' AIR!" (Poor Aerith. Oh, well. I mean, Cloud couldn't have been much  
  
better.) "Oh, by the way, we found a funky fresh gummi block." "You should see Cid."  
  
"C-cid?" Sora stammered, his fear of the crazed shop owner showing. "Oh, don't worry.  
  
He's not as crazy as he seems." Said Leon, (you guessed it) lying through his teeth. "I  
  
THOUGHT I TOLD YOU DAMNED KIDS TO GET THE !@#$%^&* OUT OF MY  
  
!@#$%^&* STORE!" "da, uh, buh, I'D LOVE TO HEAR HOW YOU SAVED THE  
  
WORLD!" Sora stammered out before he realized what he'd said. However this did calm  
  
Cid down, and he began to tell the tale. "Well, it all started in the hi- tech city of  
  
Midgard.." He began, and,  
3 hours later  
  
"And that's when they first beat Reno." "Did he have to describe EVERY battle?"  
10 hours later  
  
"And that's how we got our first chocobo." "What the hell is a chocobo?"  
  
24 hours later  
"And that's how we found Yuffie and got our Materia back." "ZZZZzzzz."  
  
38 hours later  
"And that's when Mideel was swallowed up by the lifestream. "Wha? Where are  
  
we?"  
44 hours later  
  
"And that's when we beat safer sephiroth, and saved the world from the meteor  
  
materia." "So, wait a second. You spent months on Chocobo breeding, while a giant fiery  
  
ball of death hurtled towards Earth? "Hey, it was fun!" "Well, look at this gummi block,  
  
and, more than likely install it on our ship without permission?" "It's not a block! And if  
  
you tell me to do it, don't I have permission?" "Shut up." "Oh, yeah! Well, in order for  
  
me to do it you still have to perform an inane errand!" "But I'm the savior of the  
  
universe! Besides, I already listened to your 117 hour story!" "I was under the impression  
  
you WANTED me to tell the story!" "Okay, I'll do it!" "Goooood, now go, and deliver  
  
this book to a house in third district, with the EMBLEM OF FIRE!" "Okay!" said Sora,  
  
eager to get out of this deranged man's territory. "Yeees, he shall deliver that book, and  
  
find out how fun sidequests and mini-games truly are! MUAHAHAHAH!" "Cid! Are  
  
you inevitably leading to the destruction of the universe by distracting the keybearer?"  
  
"Uh.. no?"  
  
"Hey, why would cid deliver books, he owns an accessory shop!" "So Pooh could  
  
be worked into this game." "Who?" "Shh." "WAIT!" we forgot to do something!" "So?  
  
We missed a lot of the plot in Deep Jungle." "Yeah, but this is important, and without it,  
  
whole strings of jokes will be lost!" "Never fear, Sora! We are masters of TIME magic!  
  
We'll just go back in time and fix it!" 'You first." Said Donald, stopping goofy. They  
  
watched Goofy sit there frozen like idiots, before he snapped back. "So, did you fix it,  
  
Goofy?" "No, I just stood there." "Time magic is clearly overrated." "Fine, lets go back  
  
and re-talk to Cid." "BWAHAHAHAH! Yes, soon I shall destroy the keybearer!" "Hi  
  
Cid!" "Oh, er- Hi Sora. Why are you back here and y'know, uh, alive. "We forgot a part  
  
of conversation." "Oh, right. (Can YOU guess what it was?) BABOOM! "What the hell  
  
was that!" "Yelled Sora, clearly prepared for more boring whining and not this. "Oh, that  
  
was the old bell tower in the gizmo shop. Go check it out * wink wink * * nudge nudge *  
  
"what the hell are you doing? More importantly, what's a "Gizmo shop?" "The world  
  
may never know." "Also, the house in Third district. GO. As soon as you deliver my  
  
book." "Don't tell me Leon got a job." "No, of course not. Aerith got a disease in the  
  
sewer, and to get out, she had to whore herself to every guy in town. EVERY guy, heh  
  
heh. (Ew. Even I'M ashamed at myself.) "Wait a minute, don't you make any money  
  
from this store?" "Kid, only ten or so people LIVE in this town, and absolutely NONE of  
  
them need "Protect chains." "The fact I got a bunch of rodents with antennae upstairs  
  
isn't helping! I barely had enough money to pay off Aerith!" "Wait, what do you mea-  
  
AUUUUGH! Oh man, you mean- Augh, I just GOT that!" (For those of you who still  
  
haven't quite gotten it yet, CID PAID AERITH FOR SEXUAL SERVICES) "Well, I'm  
  
scarred for life now, so let's get going."  
5 hours later..  
  
"How the hell do you open this door!" (I couldn't figure this out, and had to refer  
  
to an online strategy guide. When I found out the answer, I felt like a complete idiot.  
  
Which, for the record, I am NOT. No matter WHAT those fools in the scientific  
  
community said.) And so, our resourceful heroes did whatever they did when they ran  
  
into a problem. They burned the hell out of it. Which, as we all know, worked. (That's 10  
  
for 10!) Then, after spending a jolly old time (A living hell) with the moving stones of  
  
fun. (Rage and loathing.) Till they made it to a house, that, in all respect for the greatest  
  
wizard of all time, looks like total crap. While there, Sora spent more time drooling over  
  
Kairi; A D&G (their rap group name) stared vacantly. (There was also more talk about  
  
the "Secret place", and more than likely more jabbering about hearts.) But who cares?  
  
The point is Merlin came. "Well, well, you arrived earlier than I expected, which is to say  
  
any time in the game. "Is he a heartless?" "What are you, an idiot? I'm a sorcerer, which  
  
should somehow be obvious. "Your king has requested me to teach you magic." "Then  
  
why is your house so hard to get to? "To, uh, keep it safe it from heartless?" "Aren't you  
  
the greatest sorcerer in the world?" "Yes, uh, well, LASER BLAST TO THE FACE!"  
  
"That was just dumb." "Well, the truth is, I just don't wanna teach another good hearted  
  
youth something, 'cause I did that once and it sucked ass. Not to mention the kid was a  
  
total queer." "Oh." " Oh by the way, that stone, - "We don't have a stone."  
  
3 hours later..  
  
"Gimme the damned stone, Leon! Never! I want a summon!" "Do it!" "NO!"  
  
"Yes!" "N- OW! My groin!" he said, before keeling over. OW. It turns out Leon had  
  
been thwacked between the legs from behind by Aerith. (Hey, if you had to whore  
  
yourself to every guy in town, you wouldn't be sunshine and pink roses either, especially  
  
towards guys, and especially toward guy's stuff. "Here, Sora, take the stone. "Uh,  
  
thanks." "Said Sora, VERY frightened, and raced outta there like a, really fast, uh,  
  
frightened guy.  
2 hours later..  
  
After Merlin's moving stones of hell, Sora met the Fairy godmother, who must be  
  
having some kind of affair with Merlin. And they got Simba, which is actually a pretty  
  
crappy summon, considering Leon had to get whacked in the groin with an iron rod for it.  
  
"Oh, yeah. We had to give you this book. Why do you want it?" "Oh, I just think there's  
  
something peculiar about it, namely that all it's inhabitants are alive, and are cute,  
  
innocent, little animals and gentle-voiced shop keeps who give little boys toys when they  
  
can pay with a big bundle of love instead of cynical nose-ringed teenagers, and are so  
  
sweet that they make certain people weep about their lost imagination's and childhood's,  
  
even though they're only like, 14. (Not really.) 'Hey Merlin, one last thing before we  
  
leave." "What?" "Are you the Wizard who makes people do things and stuff happen?"  
  
"Yes." SEE! SEE! IT WASN'T JUST A PLOT DEVICE! IT WAS MERLIN! MERLIN I  
  
TELL YOU! I am a straight up genius!  
  
1 more hour on the stepping-stones of hell..  
  
And so, having solved the mystery of the Wizard without doing anything  
  
climactic, our heroes ran into... RIKU! (Boooayyy) that's a combination of boo/yay, in  
  
case you didn't know. "Riku! You have a cool sword! Where'd ya get it? "Uh, well,"  
  
Riku tried to explain, without simply saying "The evil head villain who of course is being  
  
duped by a more powerful villain gave it to me so I can chop your head off and steal the  
  
keyblade." "KAIRI!" he yelled out loud, knowing this would buy him 20+ hours of  
  
useless babble. Then, Riku saw his chance to be cool. REALLY cool. He started saying  
  
how he was so great, hoping Sora had never been here before. But, of course, Riku was  
  
denied his moment in the sun when a shadow crept up on him and Sora struck a cool  
  
pose and killed it. (Poor, poor, poor, poor, poor Riku.) "So then, we're gonna stab stuff.  
  
Want to come with? "Hey, he can't come!" "Cram it, Donald!" said Sora, using stop on  
  
Donald. "Hey, he's gone!" "Well, you were watching him, what happened?" He walked  
  
off with a pale lady with wand with a green orb on top and flowing black robes."  
  
"Typical Riku. Come on." "So the three went to the one-bedroom house (Why, whatever  
  
crazy predicaments could occur with Cid, two girls, and one bedroom? You decide.) As  
  
Cid had suggested. When they entered the house, (they just barged right in, no secret  
  
knock or anything. Heartless could overtake these morons in seconds.) The first thing  
  
they noticed is: a) Aerith was standing far away from Cid, b) Leon was standing far away  
  
from Aerith, and c) Yuffie moved significantly closer to Goofy when he entered. "Long,  
  
boring, dialogue time?" "Oh, yeah." Blah, blah, Maleficent, blah, witch, blah, blah,  
  
heartless, blah, our world, blah, blah, Ansem." "Man, Video games would be even  
  
MORE popular if people could do this." "See, it is just as I told you," said Maleficent to  
  
Riku, watching them through a window. (The sad part is that they didn't notice.) "While  
  
you toiled away trying to find your friends, he simply replaced you with some new  
  
companions." "Toiled away? I landed in your base; you gave me a sword, and sent me  
  
here. I didn't toil at all." "Besides, he wanted me to come along, he froze up the little  
  
duck guy." "Just be evil, already!" "Well, my common sense and entire brain says no, but  
  
my silver (Gray) hair and emerald (green) eyes say yes, and I think we all know that evil,  
  
arrogant jerks such as me wouldn't be loved by hundreds of people if not for my looks, so  
  
yes!" "So, you delivered that book, right?" "Yeah." "Good. Now go ring the bell in the  
  
gizmo shop 3 times. "Why? Why 3 times? It makes no sense! Gar! I'm going crazy!  
  
GAH! Man, after this is over, I'm gonna need to relax in forest or a wood, preferably 100  
  
acres of It." Regardless of Sora's insanity and need to take a vacation, they made haste  
  
(and surprisingly little waste.) to the bell tower, which they couldn't have gotten at  
  
before, because it was boarded up. It's ranting' time. A BOARD!? SORA HAS A  
  
MAGICAL BLADE! BLADES SLICE THROUGH WOOD! DONALD COULD SET IT  
  
ON FIRE! HE COULD FREEZE IT, AND HAVE GOOFY BREAK IT! GOOFY  
  
COULD USE HIS SHIELD LIKE A SAW, THEY COULD GIVE IT THUNDER! But  
  
no. They can only open it now that they have learned the ability to run into things. It  
  
actually hurts it's so stupid. Sora and gang (well, mostly Sora.) rung the bell, and (who  
  
saw this coming? Well, you all did, because it's just the game, only abbreviated, and  
  
humorous.) A big ol' keyhole appeared. And Sora, realizing this magnificent opportunity  
  
to jab his key into more things, went on over right quick. They should have known better.  
  
The Guard Armor came out of nowhere, and was beaten in 2 seconds flat. Which is why  
  
he changed into OPPOSITE ARMOR! (What! They're different!) which, really, wasn't  
  
much worse, except it shot lasers out of it's ass. But sooner or later, O.A. got a beat-down  
  
and his heart fell out. (but if it's a heartless, why do little hearts fall out?) And now it was  
  
time to go. So they got their Ship back from Cid, and prepared to enter the warp hole!  
  
"Last time, on goofy in Traverse Town.. "Dude! She said She didn't have a  
  
mate!" "She had 99 kids!" "Aw man, where are those guys!?" And now, today! "Wait, is  
  
that.. Goofy! Donald! Help me! Please don't leave! Nooo!" Pluto yelled, before being  
  
tackled and mauled by pongo. "Damnit! I should've asked for my money back!" "don't  
  
make me get out the BIG rod Leon." "I'll be good."  
  
Ahhh. This took a while, but it was worth it. I don't own kingdom hearts. And to answer  
  
your question , Choco-gal, Trout. (now the only way to ask me what I'm talking about is  
  
leaving ANOTHER, review, Muahaha.) also, yes. 


	9. Agrabah sucks

Chapter 9: Agrabah sucks  
  
But then, they decided they didn't wanna go in the warp hole, because the only  
  
Thing that awaited them is a crappy world which is at least 60% desert, and eventually, a  
  
Giant demon heartless that is somehow far more powerful than the Great Ansem, master  
  
Of all darkness, creator of sorrow, breeder of the heartless devils that plague all worlds  
  
And really good at thinking up names for himself. So instead, they went back to Merlin's  
  
for... Some reason. "Hey merlin- GAH!"  
  
4 hours of vigorous eye-scrubbing...  
  
"Ah, man I still can't believe"- "Do not speak of it!" "Can do." Sora, now  
  
Desperate for anything to help him forget, started beating his head against a tattered old  
  
Book, when suddenly a white light surrounded him. Merlin, (who you think could've  
  
Easily prevented this.) looked at D&G, and said: you wanna go see a movie?" "Sure."  
  
They said in unison. (Where is the theater?) Meanwhile, sora went on a fun- filled  
  
Dimension-spanning trip. He visited with muscular fellows with even more ridiculous  
  
Hairstyles than his, who were always battling great evils in incredibly huge open spaces.  
  
Occasionally, little round spheres with stars came into play. (Sora used one as a key  
  
Chain, but all that happened was a tiny dragon come out.) He visited with a very self-  
  
Centered 15 year old with a moronic scar on his forehead, who claimed to be a "wizard",  
  
Despite the fact his most powerful spell just stunned people. He was very bad with the  
  
Ladies too. He went to a world called "earth" with a truly nutso group of people totally  
  
Obsessed with cards, their leader was about 4 feet too, and they all were horrible with the  
  
Ladies, except the lady. He went to a world where all animals were brutally enslaved and  
  
Captured in balls far too tiny to be living quarters by a truly insane youth. He took a card  
  
And a ball as key chains, but all they did was release pathetic beasts. He also went to a  
  
World where another 4 ft. tall guy and his ambiguously gay servant were trying to get rid  
  
Of some tacky jewelry. (I'm not saying he IS gay, for all I know he was pimpin' back  
  
Home, but he was acting like it.) But that's another story, for another time (after I finish  
  
This one, maybe. What do YOU think?) He took the ring as a key chain, but whenever he  
  
Put it on, the keyblade turned black and red with a great flaming eye and sora saw dudes  
  
In black cloaks drawing knives. He didn't like it, but he felt like he NEEDED to keep it  
  
For some reason. And so on, through many other jokes at the expense of crossovers, he  
  
Made it to the 100-acre wood. "DAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shrieked Sora as soon as he  
  
Entered, for his incredible love of violence, burning, and cursing (well, not that last one.)  
  
Was being slowly whittled away. Lost and confused with the art of the art of thwack  
  
Being replaced by "hit' he stumbled upon a log with a small, yellow bear on it. (Would  
  
Sora know what a bear is?) "Think, think. Think, think" said the bear, deep in  
  
Concentration. "No... must... kill... but... WHAAAHHHAAAHHHH!" whined the  
  
Big homicidal baby. "I'm trying to say goodbye to pooh, but I AM pooh, so you can see  
  
My dilemma. Said Pooh, because it was obvious Sora wasn't gonna move the plot along.  
  
"What are you, retarded?" asked Sora. "No, I'm adorable." "Oh." "I'm hungry." "Bye."  
  
And so, after a pathetic, pointless, and uninventive conversation, Pooh went back to his  
  
House to starve. What he hadn't realized is, he could've eaten anytime, because the author  
  
Is too lazy to space the 100-acre woods out. And so, sora spent a few days banging his  
  
Key against things futilely. Finally, on one faithful day, that, due to blood loss from when  
  
A "hit" against a rock bounced back and got embedded in his skull, that he stumbled to  
  
Piglet, who was naturally terrified of bleeding face-man. "Oh Sweet mother of Jesus what The hell is that!" screamed the oddly explicit Piglet. "Oh, don't worry, piglet, that's just  
  
Sora. He's my friend, right Sora?" "I HATE YOU!" yelled Sora through bitter, blood-  
  
Stained tears. "Say, Sora, I was wondering if you could help me scare away the bees?"  
  
"What?' said sora, ecstastically. "YES!" but it was not meant to be for a while now. As it  
  
Turned out, pooh's real plan was using him as a shield. "Dude, how the hell can YOU be  
  
Lifted by a balloon?" "How does your hair stay up?" "Er- SHUT UP!" yelled Sora  
  
Defensively. And so, sora, with his weakened keyblade barely making the bees miss a  
  
Wing beat, he got stung. He got stung so many times his whole body was one giant  
  
Supersting. (Sora gets hurt a lot here, eh?) However, Pooh got good results, and THAT'S  
  
What matters Sora, as it turned out, was allergic to bee stings so he (hilariously) fell on  
  
Piglet (hilariously) killing him (laugh Damnit!)  
  
Day 2: 100-acre woods  
  
"Huh, huh.. it's only a matter of time before they find me.. don't know  
  
Where they are. Lost the map... Out of food... No way out. WAIT! What's that? NO!  
  
NO! It- it couldn't be!" "Hi sora, it's me, Pooh!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Sora, still  
  
Bleeding, covered in stings, and trapped in the woods, had been taking cover in a garden.  
  
"WHY?" "Well, because I came here and saw you." "Uh huh huh huh whaaaaaaaa!" "Oh,  
  
Look, Rabbits house is back, but he's not home, just a voice that sounds exactly like his."  
  
"Sounds to me like breaking stuff!" yelled Sora enthusiastically, pulling the keyblade  
  
From his skull and breaking down rabbit's door. (The door broke down and tragically (but  
  
Hilariously!) killed rabbit.) (You get the feeling all the pooh characters are gonna die, but  
  
Only because I refuse to defile them. Don't worry; they'll come out okay.) Pooh, totally  
  
Unfazed, began to eat some honey from off the roof. And wouldn't ya know it, it was  
  
JUST enough to get his fat ass stuck. Sora, never one to pass an opportunity, (hold on)  
  
Walloped (hurrah thesaurus!) pooh SO hard he broke a tree, crushing tigger, who was on  
  
His way to show relentless disregard for property. (Gee, how will I kill Eeyore?) Sora,  
  
Satisfied, for now, of violence, left the house, fell into a hole, and broke his leg.  
  
Day 3: Hundred-acre wood.  
  
Been here... For days. Dying... Blood loss. Sustained on vegetables around me.  
  
Oh god, what's that sound? And thus sora's broken body was deposited near the river,  
  
Due to a freak hurricane that lasted for 5 seconds. "Oh, hello again Sora." "Kill... Me"  
  
"Why, whatever do you mean?" "Ugh." "Why look! It's Eeyore! And he's drowning!"  
  
Said pooh, doing his faithful duty of giving us the situation, and, inevitably, dooming his  
  
Friends. "Eeeeaaahhhcch" choked sora, as he accidentally fell in the river, getting jabbed  
  
In the ribs by a rock. (By the way, Eeyore drowned. I have a feeling he tried to do it,  
  
Though. He was very depressed, that Eeyore, the kind of character they wouldn't put on  
  
Today.) And so, the river ran its due course, eventually leading to the bouncing place  
  
and..  
  
Day 4: 100-acre woods  
  
His mentor tigger having died, Roo jumped off a tree and died (Hee hee!) that  
  
Same tree then was struck by a bolt of lightening, and hit sora on the head.  
  
Day 5: 100-acre woods  
  
Plot... Becoming more monotonous... Everyone dying.. nearly died in  
  
River...broken, bleeded, stinging... gah. "Oh! Hello Sora! Could you get me some  
  
Nuts?" that was it. Sora snapped (more than he had before.) And jumped, leg broken, ribs  
  
Cracked, head bleeding, body covered in welts, and he yelled "YOU PATHETIC OLD  
  
FOOL! YOU EXPECT ME TO GET YOU NUTS! I'VE FACED GIANT MONSTERS,  
  
GORILLAS, GOAT-MEN, SWORD-WIELDING PSYCHOS, BUT THIS PLACE,  
  
THIS PLACE IS JUST SICK!!!!!!!!" and sora was enveloped in a yellow light, and he  
  
Switched to the dragon ball key chain, and his hair became gold and his eyes became  
  
Green, and, by adding dbz, he broke the (direct) violence barrier! And he hacked up Owl,  
  
And oh god, this is a terrible tragedy, and I'm a horrible person and  
  
daaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa ooooooooooooooooooh  
  
goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy?  
  
Huh.... huh.. huh.. sorry. Sorry for this chapter, sorry for this story, sorry for  
  
Pooh, oh. god. Anyways, sora went to the muddy glen, where pooh was a trackin'.  
  
"HAAHHAAHA!" "Hi, sora!" said pooh. "PREPARE TO DIE!" "Not so fast!" said a  
  
New voice. "Huh?" it was Christopher Robin! "Hi C.R.!" said pooh (not really, too lazy to  
  
Write out full name.) "This entire world is my imagination, which is why I imagine it  
  
Kicking your ass!" "Aw hell." Muttered super sora, who was beaten beyond awesomeness  
  
And banished to the cornfield- er Merlin's house. I'm- I'm back? "Man, who'da thought  
  
That after the movies, the tornado skulls (is that a real band?) would hold a concert? Or  
  
That after the fairy godmother flashed him, we'd go on his 5-day tour as roadies? "Yeah,  
  
Fgm, ya still got it, baby!" "Oh-ho, thanks." "Oh god, I'm back! I love you guys! I'm so  
  
Happy!" Sora cried, hugging his annoying friends. "Dude, you are so gay!" "I love you!"  
  
"Uh, yeah." "Anyways, mini-games and sidequests suck!" "Curses!" said cid, looking at  
  
Merlin's house through a camera. "Foiled again!" he continued, twirling a newly grown  
  
Black moustache. And so, our heroes got in their gummi ship, and prepared to enter the  
  
Warp hole! (For real. Seriously.)  
  
Disclaimer:Don't own Kingdom Hearts! Hurricane Isabel hit. Would've had up sooner, but power out. But now I'd like to talk about klonoa. It's a game. A video game. A simple game, but.. I like it. A lot. And if you like my story, you like me (a little) and, vicariously, you might like klonoa. I suggest you rent it. It's very short. You'll either like it and thank me, or hate it and punch me in the face. Klonoa 2: Lunatea's veil. Ps2. go. 


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